Deserving vs. Earning: A Lesson from the Lord of the Rings
In the Lord of the Rings, there is an iconic scene where Gandalf the wizard is talking with Frodo the hobbit, as Frodo recognizes that the creature Gollum has been following them. “It’s a pity that Bilbo (Frodo’s uncle), didn’t kill him when he had the chance.”
Gandalf interrupts him. “Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand.” He continues, “Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment.”
As I reflected on this powerful scene, a recent conversation with a colleague caused me to think about its applicability elsewhere, not around giving or taking life, but around the idea of deserving versus earning. Many people feel they deserve (and eventually get) things without having earned them. And other people don’t get things they think they earned.
The idea of deserving something is powerful, as it creates an emotional connection to it. You’ve seen this often in your life. Advertisers use the term "deserve" to trigger emotional persuasion and self-entitlement in an attempt to shift consumer focus from logical needs to something the consumer wants. By framing a purchase as an earned reward for hard work or self-care, they try to remove the consumer's guilt or financial hesitation and validate their self-esteem. You might not have earned it, but you deserve it.
While deserving is tied to a person’s inherent worth or emotional state, earning is tied to a specific, measurable action. In short, earning requires a prerequisite, while deserving is unconditional.
The question then becomes this: What haven’t you earned that you’ve received? What have you worked for but didn’t get?
Or, to relate it directly to the movie quote: Many who earn something never receive it. And some who don't deserve a thing receive it anyway. Can you set the ledger right? Then do not be too eager to deal out judgment, to others or to yourself.
It is important to accept that life will not always go our way. People will get things they don’t deserve, and you may not get things you’ve earned.
So what do you do with that? Keep earning, whether or not it's rewarded. The freedom isn't in balancing the scales. It is found in letting them go. And when you stop keeping score, grace comes easier for others and for yourself.
